Overcoming adversity

I attended a Hay House writers workshop in NYC in September.  It was amazing.  I learned that there is so much more to being an author (a successful one), than just writing a book!  One of the things was building a platform.  I was very resistant to this because I don't like putting myself out there, but I figured if I was going for this I had to be all in....so I held my breath and launched the website and this blog.  (I also have an instagram account, so follow me if you like what you read!)  And my amazing facebook peeps showed up in a big way!  You guys visited this website and signed up for the blog.  THANK YOU!!! Keep sharing. :)

Back to the subject of parenting...I mention the Writer's workshop because one of the Hay House authors, Gabby Bernstein, was there.  The quote and image above are hers.  And when I saw this, I knew I was going to blog about it.  This quote makes sense to me.  I believe it.  I get it.   But how do I get a 12 year old to understand the lesson in this?  My daughter got some news this week that really rocked her world.  She is not allowed to play contact sports ever again (so pretty much every sport she likes, like lax, soccer, volleyball ,skiing etc.)  At 12, this is pretty devastating news.  I'm struggling with the "forever" of this myself, so I can't imagine what's going on in her head.  While I was trying to process this,  I realized two things: 

1. We, as parents, need to get clear about how we feel about what are kids are going through before we dive in to handle it.   

AND

2. Timing is everything. 

In retrospect, I was reacting from an emotional place initially.  After coming to this conclusion, I took 5 minutes alone to get quiet and gain some clarity on the situation.  When I did, I was able to respond a little more rationally.  I became aware that this is happening to HER, not me, so it's completely real for her.  Then I knew I had to validate what she was feeling which was: her life totally stinks.  My immediate reaction was to tell her all the reasons why her life DIDN'T stink and why she was wrong to think that!  I started telling her that this would make her stronger and that she would be able to handle anything that came her way.  She wasn't hearing it.  She wasn't in the emotional space to be able to hear it.  So, I switched gears and told her that I was sorry this was happening to her.  I validated the fact that she felt like her life stunk.  I told her I understood why she felt this way.  This seemed to help.  I didn't try and talk her out of it.  I let her vent.  After a few days, we started talking about some of things she CAN do and I made some calls to get her into things she was interested in that weren't sports related.  I still want to have the talk about being grateful for what she does have, despite this big disappointment.  But I'll do that when the time is right. 

Parenting doesn't come with a guidebook.  So we have to figure it out as we go.  It's trial and error.  The key to flying by the seat of our pants is to recognize when something is not working, and switch it up. 

See ya next week!